Week 31 - Emma Turned 5

Welcome to week 31 of being pregnant, still working, still able to do many things and still loving life!

For myself I had a midwife appointment, I worked my first 3 day week and the little girl I have been nannying since she was four months old turn 5 years old!

How does that happen so quickly? You love and nurture and teach and train, you listen and help, you watch and encourage, applaud, make up games and crafts and so many fun and silly things and all of a sudden they turn 5! I may not have birthed Emma and her brother but I sure have put my heart and soul into their little lives each day that I get with them. I love them as my own and I'm so grateful to have been able to grow with them these past four, almost five years.

To me five is a very special age because you move from being purely a child of play and learning through play into that child of school and homework and play. School these days is hard, filled with long hours of sitting, learning and being separated from your family. I don't really agree with all of it but this is the stage she is in and moving full steam toward! I wonder how she will embrace it. It's such a big life change for any little, but she is so sweet, innocent, kind, sometimes timid and she will be alone to figure out a world of many noisy children whose rules she is unfamiliar with.

Kind of like us first time moms. We have lived life a certain way, had our friends, worked our jobs, gone to our activities, loved our husbands, had our routines and now that's all about to change. We are embarking on a journey of a lifetime (literally) and there are so many changes ahead, new rules, new faces, different life habits to embrace that I hope I can learn quickly and keep up with. All the while enjoying these short years I have with my baby (hopefully babies one day) and husband as we begin our family.

It's crazy to think about, all of this change about to happen in such a short while as I hurtle toward the end of this pregnancy. For little Emma, five will be a big age, a year to remember. For myself 31 years old will be a year to remember. When my daughter is born my life will forever be changed for the better and I would be wise to remember the year it happened.

So pregnant ladies, take a deep breath, be aware - what are you doing, what choices are you making, what is good and should stay the same? What needs changing? We all have things. But now it isn't just you or you and your spouse, it's you and a little one who is going to start his or her first day on earth in a few short weeks and we as their parents must be prepared. Prepared to love unconditionally, prepared to have much patience and endurance, prepared to call upon God and allow others to help us. Prepared to give and give and give until you reach that point where you didn't know you had more in you but you do! Let us each stop and look around us, where we are at, where we are heading, and remember that we are bringing a little one along with us. Let's make it inviting, loving, encouraging, nurturing, kind, and be excited for this blessing of a babe that soon you, I will get to hold in our arms and take home to raise, love and cherish. These are exciting times we are in! Embrace it!

Books to fill her mind and heart with good things

A birthday dress for the prettiest 5 year old!

Keep looking for the healing and sunshine!
Love, your friend,
Laura

Week 30 ~ Short and Sweet

A beautiful flower I found on my walk

This Sunday I sang on stage at church. This has been such an area of growth for me. I started out hating the sound of my own voice, speaking negatively about myself every practice and being too afraid to lead a song (hello anxiety attack). All because a long time ago I let a series of comments from someone who I looked up to take root in my heart and grow into this massive weed and almost kill my gift from God. It completely paralyzed my breathing, my control and my voice. Through the years at my church I have had some hard conversations with a friend about it as well as crying out to God for freedom in this area. I LOVE TO SING! I don't like singing in front of others necessarily but at the same time if God gives you a gift and you're given the opportunity to bless others with it then I think you should do so. I have learned over these years of being totally paralyzed with fear on stage to ask God for the grace to sing each time, to not take it for granted when I get up there with the team and am at ease, to give Him all of the praise and glory and to know in my heart that any ability I have to share my voice with anyone other than myself, comes directly from Him.

This week was a very big work week for me as next week I'm transitioning to 3, 10 hour day work weeks instead of 4. However this week also included a date night so I ended up working 44 hours which God got me through physically and so I was able to love every minute of it! Don't be fooled though, even though it was awesome I was exhausted and am looking forward to next months 3 day weeks and training the new nanny. I mourn at the loss of daily interaction with these children who I have treated as my own from day one but my body is so worn out that I also am looking foreword to these changes. Bittersweet takes a whole new meaning for me in May 2016!

Rest Ladies! Week 30 Bump!

This Saturday I had 2 things scheduled that ended up falling through and while they were fun things that I was really looking foreword to it was good that they didn't work out as my body needed to take this day to rest and recoup after the exhausting work week I just finished. Make sure you're getting the rest your body needs pregnant ladies. If it's your first baby make sure your friends, job, house and husband aren't demanding too much of you! If you have littles running around make sure you use your voice and call upon your support group to get that nap in that your body needs to enable you to keep being the amazing mommy that you already are! Without rest and sleep we will run out of steam.

Trust that God knows all of your needs and that He is faithful and He is taking care of you! Embrace and celebrate the disappointments along with the blaring good because He's working it all out for our good and even though we may not get it right now or understand something happening, we will. One day we will.

Fruit Salad makes me happy!

Keep searching for the healing and sunshine!
Love your friend,
Laura

Built your own Salad = everyone is happy!

Need that protein and those greens!

Also, make sure that you are eating lots of veggies and not only counting on your prenatal vitamin to fill your body with good things for baby. Good food is the best way to go! You can have treats, just make sure that's what they are that, treats!

WEEK 29 - Who Is Your Support Group?

This week I met with my mentor who asked me to go home and think about who my support group is, write it down and show her at our next meeting.

This one stumped me a little. The word support means 1. to bear all or part of the weight or hold up and 2. give assistance to, especially financially; enable to function or act. While a group is a number of people who are located close together or classified together. 

I am a very independent woman and have (in this season) found myself quite alone, or at least what I consider alone. 

I have my family and in-law family who love and support my husband and I, each in their own way and they live about an hour and a half away from us. To me that's not close by. We see each other very minimally and while we text, call, FB and email it's not the same as one stopping by for tea and a chat or to help you clean your house when you're having a break down or pray with you and believe with you. 

I have my mentor who I am over the moon about but she is a pastor's wife and our relationship is new and she is not one that I would ever consider calling on to bear all or part of the weight - most likely because I get really stuck on that word all... All is the kind of thing that I would expect of and from myself and reach out to help someone else with no problems but would never ask someone (outside of my husband) to do for me/us. She is of course bearing part of the weight of me as we chat and discuss and share, learn and grow. But that's tidy and not in my (for right now) incredibly messy home where I feel quite lost at times. 

I have girls in my life who each have a special place in my heart, but none of them come over weekly or even monthly. I have friends who all seem to be walking through a busy season at the same time as myself and so we don't connect often (sometimes once every six months or a quick chat at church). Some are newer friends who I'm getting to know and love while others I've known since marriage and still others even before. And still I find myself in a season of aloneness and sometimes loneliness. 


I have my husband who IS my support group and yet he is one man. He has cooked for me, cleaned our home, done our grocery shopping, massaged my feet, encouraged me that I can work one more week when I wake up and feel as if I cannot, prayed for me, listened to me and believed in me. He has been my lifeline and support, I am so grateful for him and so glad that God has blessed me with a husband who has risen up to the occasion of pregnancy for me, for us, as ours hasn't been easy and he has carried me while I carry our child. 

I have God who without I couldn't have gotten through the 17 weeks of nausea, frequent scares and emergency runs, feelings of inadequacy and so much more. I am still alive, always loved and in Him satisfied through all of these months of insecurities and fears, sickness and loneliness. 

I am part of (for now) the worship team at my church, a girls group that meets once a month and an usher. It allows me to be connected and a part of what is going on for now but soon I won't be able to attend those functions and be a part of those groups. I'm still trying to process that and come to terms with all of the nearing changes. 

I have my job which is so much more than a paycheque and filled with people who I admire and love but that too will end at week 36 and so nothing is currently routine or if it is, then permanent. 

I have a team of midwives, a doula and an OBGYN working with me who will be present and supporting me during my labour and delivery but they are not permanent nor are they life long friends. They aren't who I would call because my baby has been crying for 2 hours and I just need a nap.

I also have this great neighbour who is literally one door away and has offered free babysitting. This is such a blessing and I will call upon her I'm sure at some point but even that doesn't help with the things that feel too overwhelming and tiring and hard right now. The getting ready for this baby, the purchasing, the cleaning and meal prepping for after delivery. 

All this to say that change is really hard for me, especially when I feel alone and inadequate. There are so many voices and messages when you get pregnant and are heading toward mat leave and so much change. There are a lot of negative voices and messages but also ones of love and encouragement, good advice and help if you know where to look and how to listen. 

All in all this week has been busy. I did visit with a friend and it was really nice. We went out for coffee and sat and chatted. That hasn't happened for me in a while. One of my beautiful sisters celebrated her birthday and left precious comments all over my blog that gave me so much encouragement that at least one person reads the words I spend hours writing. I'm not sure why that's important to me - perhaps it's because it shows that I'm not alone and someone is hearing me even from far away. Also this week I started working on the inventory for my home business Mary Kay which I love! 

Total self advertisement here but if you do like make up or need really good product to start fighting wrinkles (welcome to your 30's) or you just want to know more about what I do and the products I use and sell then PLEASE check out my website @ www.marykay.ca/loosterom or call me or text me at 604-319-8002 I exclusively use this product, I absolutely love it and have been for 3 years now. I have parties (3-8 people) and do facials (1-2 people) and it's an absolutely free and  fun way to try our product and see if you love it as much as I do. 

So all in all it's been a good week with ups and downs, lots of self searching and working through things that for right now make up who I am. I want to let go of the negative things and cling to the good. I want to throw myself at the feet of Jesus and rest in His arms and love, not looking to the right or left. I want to begin to nurture a support group in my life and also be a part of supporting them. 

Keep searching for the Healing and Sunshine!
Love your friend,
Laura