Where is the time going?

 Good morning lovely friends, precious hearts, how are you today. If you’re new here, you are precious and have worth - God put you here for such a time as this. If you have read all my my posts then you know you are precious, that getting up and making your bed and seeing what the day holds is worth it. 

I was looking at a photo album the other day and I had so many memories of being happy. It felt wonderful, like a hug or hot chocolate but also out of place. I easily remember the difficulties life brought me so to look at an album and remember how the outfits made me feel, the security in my heart and the beauty I felt was… comforting and also strange. And I wondered, what happened between 14 years old and 16 in my life. I remember sitting my my couch in the dark of night begging God to end my life. Night after night I would beg him for this. Yet a couple years before I was happy and today… Today I thanked God for sparing me. I thanked him that I got to experience marriage and having children, a home that is my own, a family that I have helped create. What beautiful things I would have missed had he heard my cried and granted me my hearts dearest wish. 

I suppose I write all of this to say, don’t give up. I have had some extremely dark days, some seasons were giving up was logical and seemed like the best choice. And yet here I am much further along in my life and I would have missed so much. 

Don’t give up. Get up, get dressed, make your bed, eat and drink and get outside. Dig your toes in the dirt, plant something and watch it grow or feel the wind on your face. Swing or be enveloped in a hammocks hug. Go to the ocean and get in that beautiful water, make a sandcastle, eat your favourite snacks. Sit in the library and read until you need a nap. 

Life is short, seasons come and go and there is life to live. It isn’t easy but it’s beautiful and messy and there is healing. 

Jesus died for to pay for sin. A whole planets worth of sins. And we get to have a direct relationship with God beachside of Jesus sacrifice for us. 

There is beauty and healing. Don’t give up. Find the healing and sunshine. 

Hugs,

Laura

Ps  the pictures are of things that bring me joy. Growing flowers, making things from scratch, seeing the sun glowing from my window etc, what makes you full of joy? Document it, make the memories and capture them so you always remember.

March 2017

A 9 Month Old in the Hospital

This month we found ourselves in two hospitals for Samara's dad. He was admitted on March 17 and got transferred on the 25th and was able to leave as an outpatient on April 10, 2017 

Samara and I would wake up every morning, get dressed, pack a cooler full of food, her diaper bag, a toys bag and head out the door. We would arrive around 9 AM and stay until 6 PM where we would head home so Samara could go to bed on time. 

Samara thought we went to the hospital to socialize and nap. She loved it! The nurses adored her, she was able to play on the large chairs or Raymond's bed and she napped in the buggy.

Can I just say what a huge blessing it was that my husband got sick when he did? That may sound strange but at this time in Samara's young life she was full of joy, delight and couldn't really roll or crawl and couldn't stand on her own. Because of this the long days with the routine I implemented worked perfectly. Now she can crawl and pull her self up anywhere and she would have been miserable! I would have had to either hire someone to take care of my daughter or my husband.

He was dieing! You guys, it was awful to go through and yet there was this little girl, my baby who got me up at 7 AM without fail with a smile on her face, was a happy and chirpy passenger each morning in my car and brought us favour wherever we went. We had the head of a certain department come down herself instead of sending her resident because she heard about Samara. Raymond had some of the best doctors in Canada on his case and the prayers of hundreds of people and because of that he survived.

There were so many moments on this journey of crisis and survival where I had nothing left at the end of the day and on those days someone would have popped by my house and cleaned it or done my dishes or put food in our fridge so I wouldn't have to cook. Here's the thing, when help was offered to me I reached out and took it. Normally that isn't me, I suck it up and I figure it out. I don't always get through things gracefully but I come out on the other side victorious and alone... This time I said "help" and help came. Don't be too proud to ask for help, it will only hurt you. Because of the generosity of others we were able to pay for hospital parking ($68/week) and get coffee, pay for the gas it took to drive to Vancouver and back daily. We got new toys for Samara and clothes - This was incredibly helpful to amuse her for hours with new toys that she hadn't played with for hours before as well as books which meant new stories to be read. My home being cleaned meant I didn't have to come home, get my baby to bed and start cleaning my kitchen from the mornings food prep, I didn't have to spend hours cooking at midnight to get ready for the next days food to bring, I didn't have to grocery shop with a screaming baby who only wanted to go to bed or the hundreds of little things that need to be done on a daily basis that would have all been put to the side or done in a great stress and place of exhaustion.

Friends, family, church, thank you. Thank you for allowing me to soar in a time when I should have failed and failed hard. Thank you for allowing me to care for my husband and my daughter and not having to worry about what we were going to eat or how we were going to afford the extra expenses.

God heard your prayers, my prayers and answered in big ways. Raymond got a hospital transfer at just the right time. I had to fight for it but I was given the grace and vulnerability to do that.

Raymond is alive and I praise the Lord Jesus Christ for his life. He should be dead but he is not. Praise the Lord. 

Keep seeking the healing and sunshine

Laura

Late Night Musings

 Once upon a time I was young and late nights meant reading as late as I could keep my eyes open and then sleeping in the next day. Then it meant hanging out with friends. Then it meant waiting up for my husband to come home from work so I could see him more than once or twice a week since our shifts didn’t sync up. Even later it meant little sleep and surviving the newborn stage not once but twice and now that nobody is nursing and everyone is sleeping through the night for the most part it means staying up to spend time with myself. 

Today has been a day. I woke up, stretched my back because I have to if I want to function like a 38 year old instead of a 98 year old. Then I went to the bathroom, came out and fed my babies (who by the way are growing up way too fast). Next I took a stab at making sauerkraut for the first time, worked on my loaf of bread that was set to rise for the second time and then moved onto reading, dishes, laundry and eventually making lunch and pie. The dentist had me scheduled for a cleaning so I went, was told how great my teeth are and went home. My son wanted pizza for dinner so I played for a minute and then went to start the pizza dough. My husband came home from his dentist appointment and he made a different dinner (pizza was going to take too long) and by this time I was in my room with my candles lit finding my peace. 

Dinner

More dishes

Bedtime routine

Got up, chatted with my husband, spent time on my phone and pizza dough… 10:30 pm pizza dough…

Decided to paint because I haven’t in a long time and I have a vision for my front yard I want to get down on canvas so I can see it before I create it in real time. 

Then pizza dough…

I made 2 pizzas and put them in the fridge. Tomorrow we will bake them and be grateful for them. They will be fresh and delicious. But today, it is 1AM and my kitchen is a mess, there are toys all over the house and it - is - quiet and I don’t want to go to bed because I don’t want the quiet to end. It fills up my soul. 

Can anyone else relate? I love my babies, I love my husband and on the flip side I long for peace and quiet. I long for time with God. 

Anyway these are some late night ramblings and I need to go to bed. 

Keep seeking healing and sunshine ☀️ 

Starting A Sour Dough Starter

I still need to name it ❤️ I’m considering Samuel or Joy ❤️

 Lovelies, I AM SO EXCITED! I can’t even articulate properly how happy and excited I am about this post. 

For a while now I have been interested in sour dough. It’s good for gut health and that is something I’m always interested in because of my husbands struggle with gut health. 

However, it looks so intimidating. Something you have to feed and take care of. BUT I finally had enough of the fear because wanting something badly and being afraid of trying is just silly. So I googled (what else was into do) and now I’ve started my very own sour dough starter. 

I’m on day 3 and it’s so exciting because that means I get to feed it for the first time. It is supposed to take 1-2 weeks to start but I’m hoping just one. 

So far it’s been 1/2 a cup of flour and 1/2 cup of warm water and letting it sit in a warm place to ferment. It’s been bubbling and happy so now for the first time I have to feed it. 

I’m so nervous. But seriously, if I kill it then I’ll just try again. 

What’s something you’ve been wanting to do but you haven’t made the time or courage for?

Keep seeking the healing and sunshine!

Laura

Growing a Garden

 Hello Dear Heart,

How have you been? I have been quiet here because I haven’t been quiet in life. Why? Because I planted a garden. My first adult garden because I finally own a home with a yard. 

A garden. Have you had one? Planted tiny seeds, held your breath and waited for the signs of life? This year I did, but it was more then that. We created the plot, prepared the soil, planted, watered, created supports for the plants that will grow up and added more spots for more plants as they happened. 

I went from nothing to a very lush garden in about 2 months. The weather has been phenomenal. And while I sometimes resent the amount of time watering takes, if my children aren’t screaming at me because it’s bedtime then it’s actually quite calming and peaceful. 

Did you know you can till your land or create a no dig garden? Did you know you need to companion plant? Plants help each other but sometimes they hurt each other. For example beans and garlic cannot be planted near each other. The garlic is antibacterial and kills the bacteria the beans need to grow. You can also garden in the ground or build raised beds. You can put up fences and tunnels, put in paths and chairs - you can create an Eden.

My garden has one main garden divided into thirds by 2 brick paths. I have two garden areas along my hedge, a flower garden, a large raised bed garden, a singular raised box, a corn plot and a squash plot. 

We also put in a berry section that has blueberry bushes and a raspberry patch. 

I want to plant a lilac bush, a peach tree, fig tree and apple tree. There are so many things I want to create. I’m so excited at the potential our land has.

This year I planted potatoes, 2 kinds of carrots, 3 kinds of peas, 4 kinds of lettuces, spinach, Swiss chard, kale, spinach, 3 types of beans, cucumbers, pickle cucumbers, lemon grass, arugula, garlic, many kinds of tomatoes, yellow and red peppers, hot peppers, broccoli, 2 types of onions, flowers, a variety of squashes, herbs and strawberries.

Let’s just say I’m very excited to see if my watermelon grows here. I’m in a 8b zone.

Keep seeking the healing and sunshine!!

Laura

Surgery Update ~ Samara

 Good morning my sweet friends, I hope you have slept well and are starting today refreshed. If you aren’t, try getting in a little nap today or if possible going to bed earlier tonight. 

Samara, last Friday you boldly went into that surgery room, came out eager to stay sleeping but woke up for grape flavoured, rocket shaped popsicles. 

Driving home you asked to go to the park and I was so grateful that your pain meds for our drive home were so strong. 

Saturday and Sunday were pain management days where you asked to be carried around and held. You never complained you just wanted to be included. I was very encouraged. 

Monday (maybe Sunday) you discovered you could walk on your own. You were so proud “mom! Look at me, I’m walking!!”

Monday - Wednesday you were slowly figuring out how to sit up in your own, how to play and take breaks and be gentle with yourself. 

Thursday you said all the pain was gone! My girl how I’ve been praying for and believing this for you. Healing and success for your hernia to be gone, closed, healed!!

Friday you are back to yourself, full of running, laughing, jumping and joy. 

You have one more week before the tape can come off of your stitches and so far it’s holding (perhaps because mommy has only let you have a bath every other day instead of everyday). 

Regardless my sweet girl you are well on the road to recovery and I couldn’t be happier for you!!!

Keep seeking the healing and sunshine sweet friends,

Laura

A little addition is that Samara is in pain today and may have overdone it somehow yesterday. I am keeping a close eye on her and checking her temperature. 

Today Was Full of Surprises - The Good Kind

 Today was a gift. Hello sweet friends, how was your day? My day was full of unexpected gifts. Today was sunny when I expected rain. Today I build a Fort outside with wood, hammer and nails. Yesterday I made swords and shields. I love creating. Today my sister came over for a short visit. It was heavenly. I haven’t visited anyone for what feels like forever. 

Today I showered which always feels wonderful as well as overwhelming. But I did it. Small victories in the life of a mom. 

Today I looked at my garden, really looked at it and so many things are happily growing. This makes me feel SO HAPPY, like I have done a good job in my garden - the proof is in front of your eyes. So nobody can say it’s another failure and waste of money. 

Today I built a Fort for my children. They played happily for the afternoon in it and even invited me to a party they were throwing.

Today I got to see and chat with my sister and show her all of the progress in the yard. It filled my heart so very much. 

Today I walked by the dryer and my husband had switched loads instead of telling me how poorly he thinks of me every time he walks past and there’s wet laundry in the washer. It made me happy that he took action. 

Today I got to witness my children creating and laughing, exploring and learning. I also worked hard to cut away a border around the garden and water my plants. 

Tomorrow it’s supposed to rain which means painting,  puzzles and stories, yummy food and a movie. Fun indoor kind of days. 

Keep seeking the healing and sunshine everybody.