Dear Samara - A Letter to My Baby

This was you today.

Dear Samara,
I love you so much. I cannot properly articulate how much I love you, it's something that must be said, shown, thought and felt both emotionally and physically. I try and do all of these things when you are in my arms, close by, to your face or when you are not near me at all. My love for you is something that you will one day understand is with you wherever you go.
You have taken me on a great journey, one full of peril, wonder, excitement, fear, bewilderment, love, purity, and healing, a journey filled with both the fast and the slow, each day a miracle.
You are my miracle. I prayed for you, I asked God for a baby girl and here you are. My love chubb nugget. You are so healthy, happy, full of delight. You bop and dance throughout the day. You communicate with laughter, arms held out, chatter, smiles, coos, screeches and screams. You cry when you're fighting sleep or if you're tired and you want to be picked up right away  or a toy gets taken from you that you were enjoying. You are eating solids now and can eat up to 2 cubes worth at a time. You understand a lot of what mommy is saying and you understand some sign language as well. Currently I know you know "eat," "milk," "more" and we are working on "all done." You have started to make the sign "more" all by yourself now and mommy is SO PROUD of all your efforts! You know who mommy is and call for me. You know who daddy is and I think you know who we mean when we ask you where Ali is as well.
You have experienced food sensitivities and have had hours of projectile vomiting under your belt as a result. You have been constipated once, for days and you screamed in pain - it was the most awful experience for us both. You have sobbed over some of your vaccines and barely noticed others. You have never had Tylenol because you haven't had a fever yet but you have had a cold that stuffed your nose up pretty bad and kept mommy up at nights listening to your breathing.
You are so precious. You are smart and adorable, you are cheery and full of joy and laughter. You have loud protests inside of you and love to sit, roll front to back and back to front and you still love to jump in your jolly jumper. I have to time you for 15 mins or you'll overdo it and cry.
I love to play with you, take you on walks, show you things, go for car rides with you, nurse you, snuggle you, sing action songs with you, blow bubbles with you, show you flowers, pat alfi with you, cook with you, feed you, and read you books. I love all things to do with you.

You're learning to be frustrated and it is such a pure form - full out, no holding back. You don't know that there are levels of anger and frustration yet. I help you through it and am mindful to work on my own outbursts and displays of emotions.

Your first month vs your 8th month of life

Because of you I'm a better adult. It was easy to be selfish before you came along but now it's past time I mature and I'm mindful and aware of it. Because of you I know I want to mature as a physical being and a spiritual being. I have been selfish and immature for too long. I realise that not every area of my mind, will, emotions and spirit are the same but that some are more seasoned and grown and mature than other parts of me. Physically I am an adult. I didn't have to do anything to make that happen, I just had to wake up each day alive and my body did everything for me. My mind, emotions, m
y heart and my spirit are not the same as my body. Those parts of me I have to work on every day if I want to grow and mature and I need God to help me and complete the work that He began in me. I'm so excited to introduce you to Jesus! He is my best friend and He saved my life, literally.

Samara, I'm so excited for you to truly know your dad. He is such a good man and he fully loves you. You two chat and giggle, snuggle and daddy is the one who gets you ready for bed and does stories with you every night. He also feeds you and plays with you when he can but right now he is an engineering student so we only see him for about an hour a day.
One last thing love bug, you have
started to copy - it's so exciting! Everyday you are growing and changing, learning new things and showing me what you learned. You are very social and love to smile at people and you have begun to wave a little as well. I'm not sure if you know that you're waving but you do.
And just so you know, I pray over you every night. I intercede on your behalf and I ask God to bless you. You are so loved little one, you are safe and you are precious, God's gift to me.

I love you,
xoxo forever
Mommy

Baby Journal - A One Day Example

I took notes everyday of Samara because it was a lot to remember off the top of my head at the beginning especially being so tired! It is important to know how many diapers your baby has had of pees and poops in the beginning because you're looking for a certain number of these. This will tell you that your baby is getting enough milk, that they are hydrated and that their kidneys and digestive system are working. If you aren't sure you can call the nurses hotline at 811 and if your baby isn't needing any diaper changes then seek medical help immediately. I wrote down when she nursed and which side we were on because the side you finish on is the side you need to start your next feed on. That way your breast gets drained and the baby gets the hind milk. If you can't remember which side you are finishing on then get an elastic and wear it on the wrist you end on which in turn is the side you also need to start on. The elastic is quick and easy to switch over after every feed. This will help your baby get the hind milk which chubbs it up and allows him/her to sleep better as well. I kept a quick blurb on how much sleep I was getting so I could say "You got 6 hours, you're okay!" or "You got 2 hours, that's why you feel weird and super cranky - go to bed!" It's easy to get lost in the newness of motherhood so jot it down, that way you'll have a reference as to why you're feeling a bit crazy or overtired etc. Yes your hormones play a big part but if you're not eating, drinking and sleeping that brings things to a whole other level!

July 6, 2016 ~ 1 week old today!!!

NURSING JOURNAL:
1 AM L side; 1:13 AM R side
4:40 - 4:56 AM L side; fell asleep - put her in bed @ 5:07 AM
5:53 AM L start; R finish - didn't hurt, great latches - thanks God; Ended at 6:30 AM
9 AM start R; L finish 9:40 AM
11:45 L side start; 12:11 done - asleep
1:35 PM R side start; L side finish @ 2:16
3:05 PM L side start; R side 4:10 done
5:50 PM R side start; 6:18 PM L side start, 6:30 PM finish
8:10 PM L side start; 9:40 PM R side done
11:21 PM R side start; 11:44 L side start; 12:15 done

10 Breast Feeds Today

SLEEPING JOURNAL:
Samara 10:30/Mommy 11 - 12:51
3-4:30
6:35-8:43
4:30-5:30

Total: 6.5 hours today

Samara's Diapers Journal:
12:52 pee/poo
pee AM
6 AM poo
9 AM poo/pee
12:30 lots of pee
12:36 poo
3:10 pee
3:15 poo
6 pm pee
8 pm pee lots, poo green
11 pm pee; poo green/yellow

Total pee: 8
Total poo: 7

Keep searching for the healing and sunshine,
Your friend ~ Laura

New Baby ~ Part 1

Blurbs from my Journal ~ Week 1

Samara Jane Oosterom
Born: June 29, 2016
@ 6:23 AM  ~  8.04 pounds  ~  54 cm long

One Day Old

June 30 - I (Laura) had a 10 - 20 minute nap during the day and Samara nursed from 11 pm-midnight. My mom and sister came over to meet Samara today. She is 1 day old!

These are some notes I wrote down when I remembered to after having Samara. I'm going to share them with you in my "new baby" series so you can see how having a new baby can be. It's important to sleep when you can, eat when you can, hold your new baby, nurse him/her and bond with them BUT it is so important to have a rough plan in place so you don't get sleep deprived and loopy like I did. It's important to have someone check on you to make sure you've slept and eaten and had a drink a few times in your day. For myself as a new mom I had a plan for the pregnancy, for my birth and delivery and for the first day or so after delivery but I didn't plan after that and it caused me to become totally sleep deprived.

My advice to new moms is this: Make rough plans and check in with yourself. Be flexible and forgiving of yourself but make sure you are sleeping, eating and drinking. These are IMPORTANT things when having a baby so that you can care for your baby with love and patience and sanity. Also, you cannot produce milk if you aren't eating and drinking and sleep is important in this area as well and for your mental health.

• Plan to eat for one during pregnancy. 

• Make a birth plan but have the ultimate goal of delivering a live, healthy baby ~ anything else is a blessing. A c-section is just as much of a success as a vaginal birth if the above is your ultimate goal. 

• Plan for recovery: Have family and friends come and bring food over so that you don't have to cook for a few weeks - the longer the better. Plan for 2-3 short visits a day and spread them out or you will get too tired (I couldn't sleep while my visitors were over). Plan to take sitz baths to speed up your healing process (I couldn't walk for weeks and didn't feel "normal" until 6 months postpartum).

July 1 - My milk came in! Right side latching is easy but the left side is giving me troubles. Samara nursed 11 times today, I slept for 4 hours total (night / day). 

3 days old with Grandpa

July 2 - Diaper rash, Samara nursed 13 times today, still having troubles with latching on the left side. Mom and Dad Bennett came to visit as well as Jeanette and Toni. I had a bath, dinner and one 1 hour nap today and a second 45 minute one as well. 

July 3 - Nursing is really starting to hurt. Poor latches are causing blisters and bleeding. Today I slept for almost 2 hours while Raymond held Samara for me. Tansy and her family came to visit us and meet Samara. Samara nursed 17 times today and I had a total of 3.5 hours of sleep. Katrina and Michael came in the PM

* I kept track of how many pees/poops Samara had (diaper changes) and how many times she nursed, when she nursed and what side we began and ended on. I also kept track of my naps and sleep hours per day and who visited. 

5 days old!

July 4 - Nipple pain is really bad, infected now. 6.5 hours of sleep total, Samara nursed 11 times today, mom and dad Oosterom came for a visit.

July 5 - Samara is nursing better and so she's sleeping in longer chunks. I got a 2.5 hour and a 2 hour chunk and a total of 5.5 hours sleep today! Samara nursed 9 times today ~ I think she needs less nursing times when she's nursing a full breast vs snacking because she isn't on a growth spurt yet. God thank you for these precious snuggles, thank you for my sweet baby.

One week old today!

July 6 - Great latches DON'T hurt regardless of previous damage. Samara you are one week old! Green poop means you aren't nursing long enough per side. It means you are getting the fore milk but not the hind milk. Yellow poop means you're getting the hind milk. I got 6.5 hours of sleep total today and my stitches are starting to fall out! 

So this is my first week with my new baby girl. It was full of wonderful and tough things. I wasn't able to latch her properly and so my nipples got infected. I had to get prescribed a cream with a steroid in it to promote fast healing. That along with Tylenol I was able to nurse through the pain but if I had known it was okay to unlatch my baby and try again over and over until we got it that wouldn't have happened. Nursing is something that both you and your baby have to learn together and there is a right way of doing it. There are many nursing positions but if it hurts then unlatch your baby and try again. I definitely recommend a nipple cream for the first few weeks until your nipples (literally) toughen up. Also, to unlatch your baby stick your finger in the side of their mouth gently to break the suction. If you don't you will cause further damage to your nipple as the suction is quite powerful! Another thing to note is that trying to get a good latch is tiring for the mother and emotionally trying on both baby and mommy. Baby because they're hungry and may cry when taken off, mother because you might feel upset and even angry that you can't get a good latch. Make sure you are relaxed while nursing. I had my husband rub my back and shoulders. Sometimes it took 15 times before we got a good latch. Don't give up - you and your baby can do this, you just both need to learn the art of nursing!

Keep searching for the healing and sunshine,
Your friend,
Laura