Dear Samara - A Letter to My Baby

This was you today.

Dear Samara,
I love you so much. I cannot properly articulate how much I love you, it's something that must be said, shown, thought and felt both emotionally and physically. I try and do all of these things when you are in my arms, close by, to your face or when you are not near me at all. My love for you is something that you will one day understand is with you wherever you go.
You have taken me on a great journey, one full of peril, wonder, excitement, fear, bewilderment, love, purity, and healing, a journey filled with both the fast and the slow, each day a miracle.
You are my miracle. I prayed for you, I asked God for a baby girl and here you are. My love chubb nugget. You are so healthy, happy, full of delight. You bop and dance throughout the day. You communicate with laughter, arms held out, chatter, smiles, coos, screeches and screams. You cry when you're fighting sleep or if you're tired and you want to be picked up right away  or a toy gets taken from you that you were enjoying. You are eating solids now and can eat up to 2 cubes worth at a time. You understand a lot of what mommy is saying and you understand some sign language as well. Currently I know you know "eat," "milk," "more" and we are working on "all done." You have started to make the sign "more" all by yourself now and mommy is SO PROUD of all your efforts! You know who mommy is and call for me. You know who daddy is and I think you know who we mean when we ask you where Ali is as well.
You have experienced food sensitivities and have had hours of projectile vomiting under your belt as a result. You have been constipated once, for days and you screamed in pain - it was the most awful experience for us both. You have sobbed over some of your vaccines and barely noticed others. You have never had Tylenol because you haven't had a fever yet but you have had a cold that stuffed your nose up pretty bad and kept mommy up at nights listening to your breathing.
You are so precious. You are smart and adorable, you are cheery and full of joy and laughter. You have loud protests inside of you and love to sit, roll front to back and back to front and you still love to jump in your jolly jumper. I have to time you for 15 mins or you'll overdo it and cry.
I love to play with you, take you on walks, show you things, go for car rides with you, nurse you, snuggle you, sing action songs with you, blow bubbles with you, show you flowers, pat alfi with you, cook with you, feed you, and read you books. I love all things to do with you.

You're learning to be frustrated and it is such a pure form - full out, no holding back. You don't know that there are levels of anger and frustration yet. I help you through it and am mindful to work on my own outbursts and displays of emotions.

Your first month vs your 8th month of life

Because of you I'm a better adult. It was easy to be selfish before you came along but now it's past time I mature and I'm mindful and aware of it. Because of you I know I want to mature as a physical being and a spiritual being. I have been selfish and immature for too long. I realise that not every area of my mind, will, emotions and spirit are the same but that some are more seasoned and grown and mature than other parts of me. Physically I am an adult. I didn't have to do anything to make that happen, I just had to wake up each day alive and my body did everything for me. My mind, emotions, m
y heart and my spirit are not the same as my body. Those parts of me I have to work on every day if I want to grow and mature and I need God to help me and complete the work that He began in me. I'm so excited to introduce you to Jesus! He is my best friend and He saved my life, literally.

Samara, I'm so excited for you to truly know your dad. He is such a good man and he fully loves you. You two chat and giggle, snuggle and daddy is the one who gets you ready for bed and does stories with you every night. He also feeds you and plays with you when he can but right now he is an engineering student so we only see him for about an hour a day.
One last thing love bug, you have
started to copy - it's so exciting! Everyday you are growing and changing, learning new things and showing me what you learned. You are very social and love to smile at people and you have begun to wave a little as well. I'm not sure if you know that you're waving but you do.
And just so you know, I pray over you every night. I intercede on your behalf and I ask God to bless you. You are so loved little one, you are safe and you are precious, God's gift to me.

I love you,
xoxo forever
Mommy