Saturday

Baby Shower for Baby O

Today is my baby shower and I'm so excited. I'm one day away from week 36 and while this has been a very difficult and emotional week I am really looking forward to this baby shower. 

I didn't think I would be, to be totally honest. I was so afraid. Afraid of being the centre of attention, afraid of being surrounded by a bunch of people I didn't know, afraid of everyone wanting to hold my baby which is why it's today, before she's born. I've realized now that what I was truly afraid of was that I was acquainting people wanting to hold her with her being taken away from me. Every baby that I've ever cared for has always belonged to someone else and so I've always had to give the baby back. Also the loss of control scares me. I'm afraid that I will revert to a child myself and not be able to protect my baby due to how I was raised and the things I've been through as an infant and child. I have always wanted to be a mom, to love and cherish precious children and now it's here. My dream. And I want to be such a good mom, a protective, loving, teaching, learning, listening, creative, faith-filled mother. There's no room for fear here. I want to get it right so badly. 

So I got to my shower and the girls were still setting up. It was so beautiful and berry themed. The food was diabetic friendly for me and still delicious for my guests. My friend Amy was the hostess and all of the decorations were beautiful and sweet for my beautiful baby girl who will be making her entrance into the world soon. 

It was absolutely perfect. I got to judge all of the games (I didn't have to participate), eat the delicious food, visit with friends and family and meet new ladies that I didn't know love me and my baby. We got so many gifts, the clothes are endless - I could open a child's store. It was beautiful and perfect and I'm so grateful for everyone's help and participation and love for me and my family. 

Thank you from the deepest place in my heart. Each of you played a part in healing deep places in me today and I'm really grateful to each of you and God's plans, purposes and promises for my life and the lives of Raymond and baby O.

Keep searching for healing and sunshine,
Love your friend,
Laura

Week 35

Pregnancy and Gestational Diabetes

Our "blank" canvas

Well this week wasn't what I had planned. Sunday I didn't go to church because I didn't feel so good, Monday my midwife appointment got cancelled, Tuesday my doctor appointment got rescheduled and I found out that I have gestational diabetes. 

At week 26 every pregnant woman is supposed to be offered the chance to take a diabetes test. You make an appointment and go to the clinic, drink this gross orange sugar juice and sit for an hour and then you get your blood taken and in a few days find out if you have or don't have gestational diabetes. 

Adding the color

Somehow I got missed for this opportunity and I forgot to ask for it myself and so week 34 I remembered, asked and then in week 35 decided to take the test. The thing is that you don't have to and I really hate needles so I was going to skip it. But there are some serious repercussions if you do have gestational diabetes and it goes unchecked. So I went, week 34, took the test and I have them. I'm so glad I found out so that I can take preventative measures even though I'm almost about to deliver. 

Last week I changed my diet because I wanted to detox off of sugar, eat healthier etc. This turned out to be such a blessing because I barely failed my glucose test and so as it turns out I am going to be on trial to see if I can control my diabetes through diet. Usually it would be controlled through diet and exercise but I can't exercise due to my dislocations and levels of pain. I have to test my blood sugar 6 times a day which means a needle gets jabbed into my finger until i can squeeze a drop of blood out and into a little test paper that sucks it in and then the digital reader gives me my bloods information. It's painful and a big deal for me considering I HATE needles but for my babies health it's worth it. 

Wednesday I took the day off of work as I am having a hard time physically and it's my last week of work before the baby comes which is really hard. I have nannied for this family for almost 5 years and I have poured my life into them. I love this family wholeheartedly and I am really going to miss them. 

The finished masterpiece

Friday, today I got my last pay cheque, Annalise, Emma, Lindsey and I had a tea party but I couldn't have the treats because of the diabetes and then the whole Penner family and I went to Four Cats Studio and together we painted a beautiful butterfly for me to take home after it's stretched and mounted. It was so painful to leave, Emma ran down the sidewalk beside my car and I bawled. I had to call Raymond to talk to me on my way home so that I could calm down enough to drive. Annalise and I bawled as we hugged goodbye as well. It was a beautiful and hard day, so difficult. 

I'm really looking forward to sitting on my couch, nesting and relaxing before I go into labour. My body is so tired and big. Something I'm nervous about is the labour, that I won't be able to handle it. An epidural isn't an option for me because of the EDS.

Let me know some of the things you're nervous about and we can let it go together - remember that in the end a healthy baby is all that matters. All other birth plans are secondary.

Keep looking for the healing and sunshine!
Love you friend,
Laura

Week 34

Baby Shower's and an Online Registry

This week was an interesting one - it seems that's the norm for this pregnancy, nothing is slow or boring currently.

Sunday I sang in church, took the painters tape off of the walls of the babies room only to discover that it 100% needs a third coat of paint! Yikes! Raymond did paint a third coat without the tape - my hero!

Monday I organized baby clothes (super fun) by washing and drying them, folding them and then putting them into clear containers with labels I made out of painters tape to show the sizes. The reason I used painters tape was because it comes off easily if I put something else in there (another size for example) and need to re label. I also figured ba
by shower stuff out. 

To have a baby shower before the baby comes may seem crazy to some of you but to me it was the perfect solution. I had agonized and stressed over having a baby shower because I was worried about my brand new, healthy baby (that I plan on having in the next few weeks) getting passed around to maybe 30 or 40 women that I may or may not know really well and maybe getting hurt or sick if these wonderful ladies didn't know to wash their hands before holding her or to not come to the shower if they're sick etc. Also, when someone wants to hold a new baby it's important that they know how to hold the baby, how to transfer the baby to the next person, etc and at a baby shower while everyone may want to hold your baby you may not know or trust each and every person to do so. So as a first time mother I opted for an open (anyone was welcome) shower to be held at my church before my babies arrival. 

Have I told you how much I'm trusting God for this babies healthy arrival? Or how much I am leaning on him during every appointment, trip to emergency, each day I go through in intense pain because my body isn't what it should be?! I am completely relying on and asking God to bring my baby girl to full term and to enter this world alive, healthy and happy. These are some of

my prayers for her. I have been told to stop work at 28 weeks - I'm still working and plan on working until week 34. I have been told that my body will not cary my child full-term. I have been put on high alert for bleeding, clots, etc and am constantly listening to my body to hear what it's saying about my baby girl. 

Back to the shower. My friend Amy is heading it up and I'm so excited because everything she touches turns to gold. It's her gift and I know it will be so beautiful. Also I started a gift registry so that people could see my style and what we still need for this baby. If you want to check it out for ideas on how to start yours please go to http://babylistregistry.com/oosterom

Baby showers can be for your first baby or fifth baby. Every baby should be celebrated no matter how many you have. There are also different kinds of showers you can have, there are mother celebration showers, a shower for a girl baby or boy baby, showers that celebrate the baby before birth or after - it's really up to you as the mother. So think about what you would like and then communicate it to whomever is hosting your shower. Make sure you're comfortable with whatever is happening as it is your new baby and you're responsible for his/her health and safety.

Keep looking for the healing and sunshine!
Love you friend,
Laura

Week 33 - Yikes!

When Your Normal Week Becomes Stressful

This week was intense. It's the little things that turn into big things. Like pain and cramping - not good feelings to feel when pregnant at anytime. Or what about picking out the paint color for the babies room, nothing too boring or too stimulating right?! How about nesting when you really shouldn't be moving all that furniture or staying up way too late and then dealing with spotting and blood clots - hello stress!

So Sunday was pretty normal to start, we went to church and then had a meeting afterward. Afterward however things got interesting and kind of went from there. I cancelled my mentorship meeting due to intense pain and cramping and slept for four hours. Monday Raymond and I picked up the paint for the babies room, then after he went to work I did dishes, tidies up the house, moved everything into baby O's room and stayed up until my husband got home from work. I totally overdid it and stayed up way too late. Tuesday I woke up to some spotting and clots and so after my shower it was off to emergency to get a stress test done to make sure the baby was doing well. I got there at 10:30 AM and walked out at 3:15 PM as nobody was checking on me and the baby was happy according to the stress test. The medical professional weren't too impressed but I figured the blood and clots came from moving my house furniture around all by myself and parking was really starting to rack up. It's interesting how you can just walk out of the hospital without anyone noticing your departure. I guess it helps to not be in a hospital gown.

My husband Raymond has been working his tail off prepping and painting the nursery and all of the babies furniture. Everything has to be white because I chose 'Wild Watermelon' as my wall color and let me tell you I HATE IT as it looks florescent orange. I have shed many tears over it as it was supposed to be a beautiful (but obviously bright) coral color that I thought would be gorgeous in a baby girl's nursery. WAY TOO BRIGHT AND STIMULATING!

The rest of the week was great because I got to work more with the new nanny I'm training and even though emotionally it's really tough to transition because I love these kids so much but I love that I get to know this girl who will be taking over my job (that's so much more than a job) and so I won't be worrying how the kidlets will be doing with her. I get to train her for a whole month. I'm so grateful to my boss for that opportunity as well as the fact that I need to work with someone as I am having a lot of dislocations, pain and discomfort in these last few weeks of pregnancy.

We have two baby names picked out. One means Protected by God and the other means, From the Healing Vine.

This was also our SHOPPING week. We got the paint (like I wrote about above), we picked up the carseat, diapers and discussed wipes. We couldn't agree on a crib so we went to IKEA and came away empty handed (but we already have a bassinet so you'll have something to sleep in when you arrive). Lastly the paint caused a lot of tears and grief and so we also went back to the paint store and chose a soft pink color but decided to wait to change it as I was swinging back and forth like a bungy jumper bobbing up and down after the initial jump. In the end we kept the "coral" and changed the light bulbs and fixture so now it looks proper - goodbye flourescent orange!

Keep looking for the healing and sunshine!
Love you friend,
Laura

Week 32 Continued...

The Rest of Week 32

This week also included our churches mother's day service where my husband had bought me flowers and a card which was really special because I'm a mother to two and even though it feels like he and I are sometimes the only two that acknowledge Samuel as our first baby it was really awesome to get to celebrate this year by being a mother at almost full-term. When you have things like a miscarriage you get to experience others views on life when they believe life starts and you become a mother. That can be painful and tricky because in our society we have the freedom to choose to kill our child before it's born and when you lose a baby before it's birthed that gives others the freedom to voice their opinion on the importance of that life. I heard "You must be excited to finally be able to get to celebrate mother's day as a mother." or "This is so exciting, your baby is almost here, next year you'll get to celebrate mother's day!" Now before you get your feelings hurt for me, jump to conclusions about how I felt or take sides, please realize that my miscarriage is called an abortion on all medical records. The difference is that my body naturally aborted my baby instead of me going to a clinic and forcing an abortion, according to my medical history. So how can we expect society to treat my loss of my baby as something as heartbreaking and tragic and awful as it was for me. These comments came from people I know and love and they didn't mean anything hurtful by them. It's just the way we have been trained to think of life. It's not my opinion at all but I can step back (out of my hurt) and try and see it from their point of view and be okay that it's theirs and not mine.

This week I had another doctor's appointment and the baby measured small and so I have another ultrasound scheduled. This was really disappointing for me because I thought everything would be perfect and that I wouldn't have to be followed by this doctor any longer - this is my goal.

The rest of the week was really great. I relaxed on Tuesday, met and worked with the new nanny from Wednesday - Friday and on Saturday we got to spend some time with friends and wrapped up with the maternity photoshoot.

All in all it was a good week with a lot to think about and work out with myself in regards to mother's day and the doctors appointment. I'm so grateful that the new nanny who will be taking over my position is so awesome! I couldn't have found anyone better - God you are so faithful and amazing!

Keep looking for the healing and sunshine!
Love, your friend,
Laura

Week 32 ~ MATERNITY PHOTOSHOOT

MATERNITY PHOTOSHOOT 

May I suggest that everyone has a maternity photoshoot?! There are so many ways of doing this; find the best photographer you can and plan a date, time, outfits and grab your man, photographer and go find some sweet locations. This can be done with a professional (that you will pay a fee to and get beautiful prints from - whatever their package includes), your sister or friend, anyone with a decent camera and a good eye for beauty, angles and a desire to make you feel beautiful. 

Pregnant women are absolutely beautiful. May I just state that fact! I have rarely felt more beautiful as when I was pregnant and never as often. My belly was round and full of life. I wasn't worried about rolls or a six pack or perfection. My body was perfection. The gorgeous tummy, the great boobs, your hips and bum grow... It's an all around body bloom experience. That glow comes from feeling sexy in your own skin, gorgeous in a body you may have been fighting against your whole life up until this point. 

Yes we deal with swollen feet and water retention. Yes we have morning sickness and at the end become so large we can't move as well or at all. But somewhere in there, between the feelings of death and large whale there is this blossoming effect where you realize you're absolutely gorgeous!

So here's to feeling gorgeous and my beautiful sister who took my maternity photos for me! Thank you so much Tansy, I appreciate these photos and am so grateful that you took time to make these memories with and for me. xo

Keep looking for the healing and sunshine!
Love, your friend,
Laura