Week 32 Continued...

The Rest of Week 32

This week also included our churches mother's day service where my husband had bought me flowers and a card which was really special because I'm a mother to two and even though it feels like he and I are sometimes the only two that acknowledge Samuel as our first baby it was really awesome to get to celebrate this year by being a mother at almost full-term. When you have things like a miscarriage you get to experience others views on life when they believe life starts and you become a mother. That can be painful and tricky because in our society we have the freedom to choose to kill our child before it's born and when you lose a baby before it's birthed that gives others the freedom to voice their opinion on the importance of that life. I heard "You must be excited to finally be able to get to celebrate mother's day as a mother." or "This is so exciting, your baby is almost here, next year you'll get to celebrate mother's day!" Now before you get your feelings hurt for me, jump to conclusions about how I felt or take sides, please realize that my miscarriage is called an abortion on all medical records. The difference is that my body naturally aborted my baby instead of me going to a clinic and forcing an abortion, according to my medical history. So how can we expect society to treat my loss of my baby as something as heartbreaking and tragic and awful as it was for me. These comments came from people I know and love and they didn't mean anything hurtful by them. It's just the way we have been trained to think of life. It's not my opinion at all but I can step back (out of my hurt) and try and see it from their point of view and be okay that it's theirs and not mine.

This week I had another doctor's appointment and the baby measured small and so I have another ultrasound scheduled. This was really disappointing for me because I thought everything would be perfect and that I wouldn't have to be followed by this doctor any longer - this is my goal.

The rest of the week was really great. I relaxed on Tuesday, met and worked with the new nanny from Wednesday - Friday and on Saturday we got to spend some time with friends and wrapped up with the maternity photoshoot.

All in all it was a good week with a lot to think about and work out with myself in regards to mother's day and the doctors appointment. I'm so grateful that the new nanny who will be taking over my position is so awesome! I couldn't have found anyone better - God you are so faithful and amazing!

Keep looking for the healing and sunshine!
Love, your friend,
Laura