Visitor Etiquette

How To Be A Good Visitor

AS A NEW PARENT, don't assume that your visitors know how to hold your baby. Make sure they wash their hands, sit down and then safely pass the baby to them so that the baby is in a comfortable position with their head slightly back (not flopped forward) and supported. Pillows can be used to achieve the proper holding position. 

Disclaimer!

I want to state for the record that WE LOVED each and every visitor that we had. As you can tell by the pictures we were so loved, fed, spoiled and supported. If you have out of town visitors like I did make sure you are taking naps during the day when your baby is napping. If you are worried about leaving your baby with your visitors make sure your husband is with them or take your baby with you. As long as they get to see (and hopefully hold) the new baby they won't mind you both going for a nap. 

The first days/weeks were so tough! I had a visitor issue because all of our visitors were from out of town and so they would come and stay for hours instead of 30 mins or so. Instead of sleeping while they were here I would stay up and visit and make sure that Samara was being help properly and that she was being fed and changed at the right times. I SHOULD HAVE SLEPT! The thing is that when babies first come they are all turned about. They sleep during the day and are up a lot at night. This is because they are lulled to sleep by your movements when they're inside of you (when you're active in the daytime) and then they wake up and play when you lay down and go to sleep at night. So it takes a while for them to make the switch but it's difficult because as a new mom you're up with the visitors (and the baby is asleep) and then you have to be up with the baby at night. I was averaging about 2 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period for a week and started to go a little nutso. It didn't affect my relationship with my baby but it sure affected my husband. I had no patience for him and freaked out at any and everything. It was really hard. Once we figured out what was happening my sister came over a couple of times (all the way from Chilliwack) and held Samara so I could sleep.

For visitor etiquette I would say these things are helpful:

1. Plan on staying for about 30 mins or less. If they seem tired, cut your visit short.
2. Bring food (dinner is awesome but a snack to share if you're planning on eating while there is a must). Meals as well as baking are great choices. You can also make food and leave it at the house without going in to see the baby.
3. Wash your hands ~ if you are going to touch the baby or not, wash your hands as you'll be touching things in the house.
4. ASK if it's okay to hold the baby, do NOT assume you can or try and take the baby from his/her mother.
5. If you're sick or someone in your house is sick ~ STAY HOME. You can visit later.
6. If you are a family member or close friend, ask when a good time to come back and do some light cleaning for the family would work.

Things to note:

• It is not helpful for you to hold the baby so the new mom can get up and "get things done" or get you food. She should not be serving you at all. You should be serving her. 
• It is not helpful for you to volunteer to come and hold the baby so she can, grocery shop, make food, clean her house, walk the dog etc. The new mother should be holding her baby and bonding with it. If you are visiting a mother whose baby is a little older this may be super helpful. Ask her and see what she needs. 
• It is helpful to volunteer to do her grocery shopping, dog walking, house cleaning etc especially in those first few weeks / months.
• It MAY BE helpful to volunteer to hold the baby so the new mom can shower, eat or nap. DO NOT get offended by the new mom's wishes, just go with them. Also, if the new baby cries a lot it may be helpful to hold the baby and try and calm him/her down to give the new mom a break from the crying.
• Ask the new parents what they need and do that. They are trying to figure out how to parent/bond/have a this new family member/sleep etc. This is a great time for all family and friends to pitch in to help make it possible for the couple to focus on their new baby and each other.

Bring a gift for the new baby or parents. While your presence is wonderful new parents need love and support too. It's important for them to know that you are there for them. Delight in their baby and respect their wishes. You may not agree with them but everyone has their own ideas on parenting and new parents need the room to figure out what works for them. Just go with it, even when it doesn't make sense to you.

Lastly, be flexible. New parents no longer have a schedule. They are scrambling to try and get food and sleep as their new addition takes precedence of everything. If you were planning a visit and it gets cancelled don't be offended, drop a meal off on the doorstep instead and reschedule.

Over all COMMUNICATE! If you take the time to find out what the new parents need / want then you will be such a blessing as well as a favoured visitor. And if all you have time for is to pop by and tell them how beautiful their baby is then that's okay too.

Keep searching for the healing and sunshine,
Love your friend,
Laura