Hello my lovelies, how are you? This past week I found myself isolated once again and it’s so hard. I find by the weekend I’m hitting something hard that I cannot name yet. It’s strange, it’s me and my babies everyday and I love it but never having adult conversation absolutely kills me. Yet I find myself wanting to sleep or be alone, zoned out with a movie in the evenings that I don’t fall asleep at 7 pm with the kids and weekends when I’m not cooking/doing dishes/my husband isn’t working on the house. So it’s confusing and I don’t understand what I’m going through.
I struggle with attachment because I didn’t attach to anyone from birth and so without regular interaction my attachment weakens.
So the world changing into a place where human interaction has been forcibly shut down even if many other things haven’t has been very poor for my mental health.
I have an appointment with my counsellor tomorrow that I’m so excited about. She always helps me to make sense of things and I always leave feeling heard, seen, clear and free - happy.
Anyway, something important that I did this week was to make sure on all of the sunny days the kids and I got outside anywhere from 2-4 hours. It was spectacular, that feeling of sunshine and joy. Being barefoot in the grass, running, swinging and getting the garden prepped for spring.
So even though I’ve been unbearably low and withdrawing from everyone I’ve also experienced joy and peace in the outdoors with my babies.
So how are you doing? How’s your heart and mind? Are you like me, torn? Or are you either doing pretty good or fairly poorly?
Keep seeking the healing and sunshine! Don’t give up - whatever you do, don’t give up!!!
Laura
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