Learning To Grow Up

 Good morning my lovelies,

How are you doing today? Today I have realized that I’m not at my highest potential as a human being and it’s bothering me. I am a woman, mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. But mostly, I am a person. 

I am a full time stay at home mother and I’ve been calling it my job because otherwise do I work? What is my worth? What am I doing exactly with my life? I see my mothering and there are really good things. I also see my crutches and ways that I get through my day. I hate them. 

I am in counselling and it’s one of the big highlights of my month. I am seen, heard and valued in a safe space. I always go in so happy because I’m going to be with Judy. I always leave lighter and more refreshed. It is a wonderful feeling that I want to give to my children everyday. 

I was feeling really anxious sitting down to my lunch yesterday and as I’m grumping at my babies I was also able to think about how I could calm myself down and bring some peace and joy to my heart. I decided to colour. It was working but my babies wanted to colour with me, in the same book and I was so frustrated. I got them their own and it didn’t matter. They just wanted to be near me. Watching me. Colouring with me, calming with me. Finding joy together. I was so tempted to turn the tv on so they would leave me alone. I recover better alone, I can regroup or retreat best on my own. But now I’m a mother, and if I shut them out and pull away, putting them in front of the tv instead of drawing them close and showing them self soothing techniques then I deprive them of life skills that have taken me my whole life to learn. So I took some deep breaths, had some simple boundaries and allowed my daughter to sit beside me and my son to colour on the opposite page. 

It was huge for me, to be able to stop snapping and make a plan, do the plan and be flexible in my own way of getting what I needed. 

So, whatever you’re learning or doing - however you’re living just know that if you aren’t happy with who you are, what you’re doing, you can make changes, you can grow and if you’re a caregiver or parent you have the opportunity to bring those precious babies along with you. 

Keep seeking the healing and sunshine,

Laura