Do you know yourself beyond your name?

 How in tune with yourself are you? Sounds hokey right? But take a second. Sit in silence, with yourself. Can you do it? Can you look yourself in the eye? What do you think of yourself? What do you take in? What movies do you watch, what music do you listen to? What books are you reading? What foods are you binging? What are you seeking online? In your relationships? Where is your self worth coming from?

When it’s quiet, when you’re not busy, when it’s just you. Who are you? What are you doing? Craving? Are you eating chips, chocolate  and ice cream, are you sleeping well? Staying up too late? 

Why?

Are you sitting in the presence of God? Worshipping? Un burdening yourself to God aka praying? Are you speaking life and love and encouragement to yourself? Are you telling yourself how smart you are? How gracious and kind and loving you are and will be today? Are you setting yourself up to be positive and kind to whomever you come across? 

I don’t. I know I should, I know I want to but I go after the junk. I had a difficult childhood and some traumatic events happen in my teens and young adult years. And it sucks. It sucks because I don’t brush my teeth or wash my face every morning and night like I should. I don’t tend to watch happy, joyful movies, I tend toward the dark. I go to bed around 2 AM  when I should head to bed around 10:30 PM and I want to eat ice cream late at night. I inhale romance novels and it’s what I do but it’s not what I want. 

I want to have a routine for me, not just for my children. I want to go to bed at a good time so I can thrive in my next day and be at my best for my children. I want to feed my mind and therefore body with positivity and life, love and encouragement. I want life flowing through me and out of me. I long for Gods presence daily and worship and prayer, friends and cooking and baking and adventures. A hike, a kayak, something in the fresh air outdoors. 

We are heading into our first home renovation and we’ve moved to a new city during a world shut down. So many changes and chances to scream and share frustration, anger and upset OR step back and choose calm and kind words and teamwork. I’m really hoping and praying and trying to set myself up to change for the beauty and better along with my house. A physical visual reminder of what I’m trying to do in myself. 

Currently my home has been demolished to the studs 🤣 one step, one day at a time.

Find the healing and sunshine dear ones ☀️